Tag Archives: idiots

Every person who wants the iPhone 5 in my mind

Just fucking insane.

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Man confirms that the South is full of idiots, beats girlfriend because he thought she was cheating with Mitt Romney

 

This giant piece of shit, Lowell Turpin of Tennessee, suspected his girlfriend was cheating on him, which for her sake I really hope she was. Regardless, when Lowell the Hutt saw a picture on his girlfriend’s Facebook of her with an unidentified man, he assaulted her. The unidentified man in the picture? Mitt Romney.

He allegedly wrenched her laptop from her, bashed it into the wall, then punched her in the face. (Turpin was apparently angered by her “attempting to communicate with friends through her Facebook account,” adds the sheriff’s department.) He was charged with domestic assault, reports the Knoxville News Sentinel. His live-in girlfriend told authorities he had been violent with her before.

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2 lunatics from Utah rig a hiking trail with medieval booby traps

A U.S. Forest Service Officer on foot patrol along a popular trail in Utah made a shocking discovery last week. A couple of crazy men rigged the entrances to a rudimentary shelter with booby traps. Fortunately, no one died, because it would have been nasty.

According to the Utah Country Sheriff’s Office:

On April 16, 2012, U.S. Forest Service Law Enforcement Officer James Schoeffler was on foot patrol in this area when he came across one of these shelters. This particular shelter is known locally as “The Fort”. Because of his time in the military Officer Schoeffler has extensive experience with identifying booby trap devices. As he investigated the shelter he noticed what appeared to be a trip wire near the ground at an entrance. Upon further investigation he discovered that the trip wire led to a booby trap device which was made with a large rock, sticks sharpened at both ends, and was held together with rope. This device was situated in such a way that when contact was made with the trip wire it would swing toward an unsuspecting hiker or camper. It was hung where it would most likely swing to and hit the head or face of the hiker or camper. In a second entrance to the shelter Officer Schoeffler found a second trip wire. This wire was configured so as to trip a person, possibly causing them to fall forward onto sharpened sticks placed in the ground.

Using Facebook, Officer Shoeffler and the Utah Country Sherrif’s Office were able to identify Benjamin Steven Rutkowski, 19, and Kai Matthew Christensen, 21, as the guys behind the traps. Based on the evidence discovered, it looks like they weren’t even done rigging traps. They had plans to do way more.

 

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Teenagers drinking Purell to get all sorts of fucked up

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In July of 2010, I read an article about how tasty Purell hand sanitizer is that read something like this:

Purell. The most popular liquid hand sanitizer in the US is not only good for getting nasty germs off your mitts, but did you know that it’s also surprisingly tasty? It’s true! The clear alcohol-based gel has a surprisingly sweet and lemony taste, reminiscent of limoncello or a lemon drop.

Now I don’t advocate actually drinking Purell, but it’s not going to hurt you to put a tiny drop on your finger to taste it. Mmm, sweet lemony liquory goodness. It wasn’t I that discovered this… that thanks goes to a co-worker who out of the blue said “Hey, have you ever eaten Purell?”

After some experimentation, I determined that a dab of Purell does tastes kind of like a lemon drop, sort of sweet and tart. And today, there are stories about teenagers drinking the shit to get drunk. Well… stop making it so damn yummy.

Six teenagers have shown up in two San Fernando Valley emergency rooms in the last few months with alcohol poisoning after drinking hand sanitizer, worrying public health officials who say the cases could signal a dangerous trend.

Some of the teenagers used salt to separate the alcohol from the sanitizer, making a potent drink that is similar to a shot of hard liquor.

“All it takes is just a few swallows and you have a drunk teenager,” said Cyrus Rangan, director of the toxicology bureau for the county public health department and a medical toxicology consultant for Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. “There is no question that it is dangerous.”

Although there have been only a handful of cases, Rangan said the practice could easily become a larger problem. Bottles of hand sanitizer are inexpensive and accessible, and teenagers can find distillation instructions on the Internet.

“It is kind of scary that they go to that extent to get a shot of essentially hard liquor,” Rangan said.

In addition to the teenagers who intentionally drank the sanitizer, younger children also have accidentally ingested it in the past.

The liquid hand sanitizer is 62% ethyl alcohol and makes a 120-proof liquid. A few drinks can cause a person’s speech to slur and stomach to burn, and make people so drunk that they have to be monitored in the emergency room.

Doctors said this is the latest over-the-counter product that teenagers have adapted for a quick high. Teenagers have done the same with mouthwash, cough syrup and even vanilla extract.

So… BREAKING NEWS: Teenagers are stupid and in a pinch, will try all kinds of household chemicals to get fucked up.

Snopes has an article about keeping Purell away from children due to intoxication and poisoning, but just a tiny dab won’t hurt you. You’re a grown up. DO IT. Also, Snopes mentions that most hand sanitizers have bad-tasting ingredients. Obviously, they’ve never actually had Purell, which is quite tasty.

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God dammit

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