Category Archives: irony

Humor

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You got jokes bitch?

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11 things the Bible forbids other than homosexuality (that you’re probably guilty of)

If you are one of the morons who thinks being gay is unnatural and spend your time complaining about how it’s ruining the world, well you’re an absolute idiot. Here are some other things that the Bible forbids so you should probably start campaigning against all of these too:

Tattoos

Leviticus 19:28 states:

Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.

Rounded Haircuts

Leviticus 19:27 states:

Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.

Consulting psychics

Leviticus 19:31 reads:

Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the LORD your God.

Gossiping

Leviticus 19:16 states:

Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour; I am the LORD.

 

Eating a ham sandwich

Leviticus 11:7-8 reads:

And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you.

Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.

Getting remarried after a divorce

Mark 10:11-12 states:

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

Working on the Sabbath

Exodus 31:14-15 states:

“Ye shall keep the sabbath therefore; for it is holy unto you: every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death: for whosoever doeth any work therein, that soul shall be cut off from among his people.

Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.

Women speaking in a church

1 Corinthians 14:34-35 states:

Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Eating shrimp, lobster, and some other seafood

Leviticus 10-11 states:

And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:

They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.

And of course…

Loosing your virginity before marriage

Deuteronomy 22:20-21 states:

But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel:

Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you

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Cutting edge reporting

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A true lyrical genius

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Irony

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He’s so smart

Santorum: The Financial Crisis Was Caused By High Gas Prices

At an event in Lansing, Michigan Monday, Rick Santorum put forth an alternate theory for the cause of the financial crisis: that rising gas prices caused Americans to default on their mortgages, leading to the wave of foreclosures that sparked Wall Street’s near collapse in the fall of 2008.

“We went into a recession in 2008 because of gasoline prices,” Santorum said to a hotel ballroom of supporters. “The bubble burst in housing because people couldn’t pay their mortgages because of $4 a gallon gasoline.”

As BuzzFeed’s Zeke Miller points out, the extensive report on the causes of the crisis by the Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission made no mention of gas, gasoline, or energy as triggering the crisis.

Via

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