Monthly Archives: September 2012

Thought Catalog nails it again: Are We Still Doing That? Is That A Thing?

Calling people gay/f*g as an insult. Show me how educated you are and come up with something better.

Not tipping servers. You pay for food, not service. If you want food it’s called take out. If you want to be served you need to leave a tip.

Asking for an absurd amount of alterations on your meal at a restaurant. I get it, maybe you don’t like tomatoes, or you’re lactose intolerant. But when your order has more additions or subtractions than the original order — that’s just wrong. If you don’t like the food the way it comes, you can always eat at a place called “your house.”

Paying for fancy coffee. A triple venti frap with extra whip, caramel and chocolate sauce. What is that? That’s not coffee, that’s dessert.

Eating everything on your plate at a restaurant. Those things are the size of platters. When you’re at home cooking for one, do you ever think to yourself, “pancakes, eggs, bacon and hash browns for breakfast, that sounds great! Now let me make so much food I need to get out this serving platter to put it on.” No, you don’t.

Writing in all caps. Why are you yelling at me through the computer? This always worries me. One, because I don’t know what I did to get in trouble. Two, because obviously you can get through life being an adult who doesn’t know how to write.

Watch copious amounts of reality TV. I understand that watching Jersey Shore makes you feel better about what you’re doing with your life. But seriously, continuing to support that show means that it continues to exist. Is that really what you want?

Not wearing sunscreen. Maybe you forgot. Or maybe you’re from Portland and it always rains. But seriously, skin cancer happens. Please do yourself a favor and put it on. Your insurance company and body will thank you in the future.

Not having socialized health insurance. I could go on for days. But I really don’t see how being rich equates to being healthy.

Not respecting elders. Kids these days are brats. They walk all over their parents and don’t listen to their teachers. I think we need a reformation.

Not learning a second language. I love being an American, but when I meet so many Americans who don’t see the point in learning/ attempting to learn another language, it upsets me. The world is evolving and it’s becoming more important to be able to speak another language. And at the very least please learn some Spanish/French/German/Italian, so you don’t completely embarrass yourself during your post-graduation summer when you “find yourself in Europe.”

Comparing our lives to television. As much as I’d love to be like Marshall and Lily from HIMYM, chances are that it’s not going to happen. Why? Because that’s TV. It’s fake. It’s written that way to entice audiences. Do not believe that is how real life is going to be. If you do, I’m certain you will become severely depressed with how “imperfect” and uneventful your love life is.

Second chances to ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. Yes, people can change, but they normally don’t. Trying to work things out with someone from your past is a surefire way to remember how wrong you are for each other.

Being required to wear pants. I HATE wearing pants. I think clothes should be optional and more of a winter thing than a social obligation.

Succumbing to food crazes. Juice cleanses. Raw diets. Carb diets. I don’t get it. I’m a fan of moderation. If I want chicken wings, I’ll eat some. If I want a hamburger I’ll eat one. I think it’s the “not everyday” part that’s important.

Driving everywhere. I am the biggest advocate of the car. I grew up in Arizona. It’s hot. I do not like feeling like my skin is melting to the pavement. Thus I drive places. But still, if you’re in a strip mall, is it really necessary to drive from Target to Office Depot? No, it’s not.

Leaving the water on while brushing your teeth. It hurts me to see unused water going down a drain. It’s a precious commodity, please save it.

Frenemies. Why do we have to like everyone? I for one hate lots of people. I think they’re stupid or annoying. I do not pretend to like them to their faces, because that’s lying. Stop pretending to be everyone’s friend; it’s obviously impossible. Why is there social pressure to lie?

Men wearing flip-flops after dark. No. Just no. I wouldn’t say I have a type but I know the type I do have is men who do not, under any circumstance, wear sandals after dark. Sandals are for the pool or CVS when you realize you’re out of laundry detergent. They are not for going to bars or dinner.

Delaware. Who’s been there? Who lives there? I’m almost positive the answer is no one. TC Mark

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Shit Mitt Romney says

“I’m not familiar, precisely, with exactly what I said, but I stand by what I said, whatever it was.” -Mitt Romney

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Serious Stuff: A Global bacon shortage is “unavoidable”

I hope you learn. I hope you see what you have done internet. I hope you Epic Meal Time loving, meme creating sons of bitches all get what is coming to you. Did you think that your constant references to bacon and consistent harassment of those who said they “Didn’t even like bacon” didn’t have consequences? Well now guess what, that’s right, we’re running real low on the good stuff. And I’ll tell you one thing, if you thought the things crack addicts did to get their fix were bad, wait until you see what an unbaconated American will do just to drink the grease from a fresh batch.

Britain’s National Pig Association said Tuesday that an international shortage of bacon and other pork products is now “unavoidable,” and expects higher prices for consumers soon.

Recent data shows Europe’s pig population declining at an alarming rate “and this is a trend that is being mirrored around the world,” the NPA said in a release. Every major pork-producing European nation has fewer pigs today than they did last year, even as demand for pork products has remained high.

A crippling drought in the U.S. farm belt caused the price of corn and soy, two staples of agricultural feed, to skyrocket. Retailers have been thus far unwilling to pass those costs on to consumers, and instead have been paying pig farmers less for each pig.

The problem is not limited to Europe.

The Canadian Pork Council confirms that the size of North America’s pig herd is shrinking, which will drive up prices as farmers start to limit supply.

“It’s because of the rise in the price of corn,” the agency’s public relations manager, Gary Stordy, told CBC News. “Producers are losing money right now and like any other business, when you’re not making money, you shut down.”

U.S. laws that mandate a certain percentage of the corn crop go into ethanol fuel for the transportation industry had lit a fire under corn prices even before the drought. The size of the continent’s corn crop has been rising for a decade, before falling precipitously this year.

When that happens, other corn buyers, including pig farmers, get hit.

“You can buy futures for some commodities, but not feed,” Stordy said. “Farmers can’t find a way to hedge their bets, so they have to pay the market price,” which has suddenly become unsustainable, he said.

The cost increases have made it no longer cost-efficient for farmers to raise pigs, NPA says. It recently warned that a fall of two per cent in the number of hogs slaughtered next year would push consumer prices up by 10 per cent.


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This guy put a couple hundred dollars into a music video so go buy his T-shirt

If your “Teach Me How To Bucky,” “Packer Rock Anthem”, and “So Fly Like A Cheesehead” T-Shirts just aren’t enough to prove to all of your friends how much you love unoriginal, poorly-made remixes, that make the most minimal effort to relate to the area in which you go to school, then HERE’S ANOTHER SHIRT FOR YOU! This guy doesn’t even do the real Gangham Style dance, I mean at least put an effort in. I can tell that he wanted this video to be about absolutely nothing but himself and his unbelievable knack for standing by not only one, but sometimes two girls. I suppose I’m just tired of this type of thing and watching people make $100,000 off of selling T-shirts. The video isn’t poorly made, and although I do appreciate the fact that he mixed in “Jump Around,” I just can’t do another stupid parody song. If I see you wearing one of these shirts on the street, I will shake my head, laugh, and then know that you clearly have no other passions, hobbies, interests, skills, clubs you belong to, organizations your a part of, or artistic  ability and have just given up on life and decided to just buy whatever object is currently in the spotlight of a relatively small community. I will also assume your still wearing snap bracelets and recording lectures using a TalkBoy. Fuck you.

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